September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Read and share stories to honor survivors whose loved ones died by gun suicide.

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Aída Díaz

In memory of Carlos P. Zaragoza

I fell in love with Carlos as soon we started dating; his infectious smile and living spirit were too sweet to ignore. Carlos loved dancing salsa. He played the bass in a Cumbia band and was a union organizer for more than 10 years. I was blessed to receive and enjoy Carlos’ magical love for four beautiful years.

On July 25, 2019, at 2:30 a.m., Carlos, his father and mother were shot by his baby brother, who was later diagnosed with schizophrenia and depression. His brother also shot his previous partner, her coworker and a random guy on the train. He was found 12 hours later; only his mother and coworker survived.

I miss him so much. I’ve sobbed, cursed at the universe and felt guilt, anger and complete sadness that I could not have prevented this tragedy. Sometimes I wonder why my life was spared. Then I remember, that I am still here. Alive. Breathing. And that love never dies, it transforms. I promise to make him proud.

I love you until infinity and beyond, cosita.

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