I never met my maternal grandfather because he committed suicide by gun four years before I was born. Although I knew he had died before I was born, my mother felt unable to share his cause of death with me until I was in my 20s. There is so much stigma about suicide and mental illness that information is often withheld from family members. Despite being deprived of knowing my grandfather, I have seen photos and heard stories about him from family and friends. There are so many questions I wish I could ask him. There will always be a hole in my heart because he died by gun before we could meet.