On August 23, 2018, my eldest son, Cole, completed suicide with his roommate’s gun. Cole had suffered from depression for about four years, was on medication and was trying (again) to find a therapist. He had just decided to go back to college after some time off, and had signed up for four classes. He seemed to be doing better, and I felt hopeful for his future. He and I were incredibly close. He always called me for advice and was very open with what was going on with him. He was the child that made me a mom. He was my world. He was intelligent, sarcastic, musically gifted, sensitive and handsome. He was my baby, no matter how old he got. But instead of celebrating his 21st birthday with him, I was struggling with the reality that my child had died two weeks earlier. I wish I knew his friend had guns. I wish he would have called me that day. I wish he knew the impact that one choice would bring to so many whose lives were impacted by him. I wish Oregon had laws that required loaded weapons to be locked up. I love you more, Cole.