My new norm… Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be living without my child. I raised two sons in NYC, and my days always consisted of thinking of them, where they were and what they were doing. These thoughts still exist; although one is ever changing, one is at a standstill. I know where Andrell is at all times, and that is, not HERE.
While waiting for a family member to retrieve a phone that he left at a friend’s house, Andrell was INNOCENTLY struck by a bullet. And yes, I emphasize innocently, due to the stigma that comes along with young black males being killed. For a while, I would not go down the street where Andrell was killed. I would not pass the hospital that he was taken to and died at. I did not want any memory of that dreaded day. Then life hit, a shift came… Realizing this was a day that will affect me forever, I knew I had to meet these things head on. I knew I had to conquer my fear(s). I knew I must continue to live to be able to create a legacy in Andrell’s name. My thoughts of him are still daily, hourly, every other minute. Yet, now they consist of: What can I do to make his life teachable for someone else? How can I prevent another mother from feeling the same unbearable pain that I feel? So my after thoughts (since my child has been murdered) are still on him daily, yet from another perspective.